Emotions and feelings are part of being human. We have emotions and feelings when we are sad, happy, afraid, angry, passionate, and craving for something.When experiencing the world, emotions and perceptions contribute to creating a pleasant or unpleasant  view of the world. If these feelings and impulses are not properly managed they can reduce our ability to see the world positively and have positive experiences. 

For example, when a person puts restrictions on him/herself based on a negative emotion they had to deal with regarding interpersonal relationships in the past, they are likely to experience difficulties with their current associations with others generally.  Emotions can also weaken our ability to escape from bad relationships. Unmanaged emotions can lead us down the wrong path in life and lead us to negative behaviors such as revenge. 

Emotions are not the person. But when emotions arise in the mind, the person and the emotion are felt as one because the person's mind is connected to that emotion. Therefore, you must understand that emotions are not you and that you must manage those emotions, and that you can do it.

According to Buddhism, there is no fixed mind. A person experiences a multitude of thoughts that arise continuously from moment to moment as “one mind.” Feelings arise from attachments and conflicts with those thoughts. When one mind becomes attached, the next mind arises in relation to it. This happens very quickly. In order to live in peace with each passing moment, one must be attentive and aware of the thoughts that arise within oneself, and when a thought arises that leads to a negative feeling within oneself, one must abandon that thought at that very moment. If disturbing thoughts persist, you should deliberately divert your mind to another good purpose. Similarly, if your thought is bad, you should practice avoiding the occurrence of bad behavior (physical or verbal) in parallel with it, and instead, aim for a good thought that is the opposite of that thought and engage in a good physical or verbal action. 

If the mind is troubled by angry thoughts, practice loving-kindness, kindness, etc. If the mind is troubled by jealous thoughts, practice equanimity. If the mind is troubled by various injustices, inadequacies, and evils in society, practice detachment. While practicing this in the mind, practice it in the action and speech as well.

By being kind, you can make yourself and others happy. If you have ever experienced the joy you feel after doing something nice for someone, you will be addicted to it. You will feel so much joy. Remember, do not expect even a thank you from the person receiving the help. Because not everyone is grateful. Also, no matter how much help we give, no matter how kind we are, not everyone will be happy about it. Therefore, you should help others for the joy of your heart. If someone forgets the help you have given them, or if they are unkind to you, or belittle the help you have given them, do not bother to help them again. But never stop helping others. There are thousands of innocent hearts in this world waiting for someone to help them. If you lose your kind heart because of a few unkind people, those innocent hearts will never be helped. You will also lose opportunities to be happy. Therefore, never think of helping and being kind to others as a weakness of yourself. 

When you help, help randomly. You can bring sweets when you come to work or to the classroom. Share them with others and watch them enjoy themselves by tasting them while telling jokes, and having fun. Give some food to a hungry animal. Plant a tree and take care of it. If your friend has a good quality, appreciate it. If you are a student, help a friend take notes. Teach them lessons they don't understand. Give a small gift to a family member/friend on a whim. Send a greeting card for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Keep your heart happy through such actions. Don't expect anything in return.

Your economy is also important to do more good things for the world. Although money cannot buy happiness, money can easily acquire and do things that make us happy. Providing financial support to a needy family, providing good treatment for your parents' illnesses, and traveling for your mental well-being can only be done if you have a good economy. Sometimes, when you are unable to do such things due to economic difficulties, you may feel jealousy, anger, and hatred towards those who have them. Therefore, while practicing Mudita, be interested in strengthening your economy. Save a small amount of money every month.

To be happy in every moment, expect both sides of the coin. That is, practice not being shaken by the eight worldly dhammas. The Eight World Dharmas are the eight World Dharmas of suffering - pleasure, gain - loss, good - bad, reproach - praise. In the dhammas that exist in pairs here, where one dhamma does not exist, the other dhamma does not exist either. If there is nothing that can be identified as happiness, there is nothing that can be identified as suffering. Similarly, if we expect happiness, we must also expect suffering. We do not always find good in life. Therefore, in living, practice to endure both good and bad with equanimity.

As soon as you have bad, negative, evil, guilty, and distressing thoughts, do not cling to them or fight with them, but let go of those distressing thoughts. For this, you need to be attentive and aware of your own thoughts. You can practice “Chittanupassana” meditation (concentrate the mind on one’s thinking process) to maintain mindfulness. 

Author - Yashodha P. Jayalath 

MSc in Food Science & Technology, PGIA University of Peradeniya, Sri Lanka. 

BSc in Health Promotion, Rajarata University of Sri Lanka.

Pg Dip in Psychological Counselling & Psychotherapy, Institute of Psychological Studies Sri Lanka. 

Associate Member of Sri Lanka National Institute of Professional Counsellors, Registration number 2015/1526