Sibling rivalry can simply be defined as the fighting, jealousy and competition that takes place between siblings. Most families that have more than one child, there’s some sibling rivalry going on.  It is a common and normal thing. All children become jealous of love and attention that their siblings receive from parents.  Parents should try to reduce the severity of the Jealousy, resentment, and competition between children to prevent its potential effects on children Because it  affects the wellbeing of the whole family.

Parents may feel frustration and stress when the children fight. Sometimes parents have no clue how to solve these issues between their children, some parents just ignore them, thinking that is a common and very normal thing. But if you deal with the situation in the wrong way, sibling rivalry that starts in childhood continues through adolescence , adulthood and even into old age.

Sibling rivalry starts just after a new baby is born. Parents should prepare the older child to welcome the newcomer. They feel hurt by seeing the new baby get the love and attention from all. This can lead the older child to behave like a baby to regain the parents attention. The emotional disturbance may exhibit in sleeping and eating difficulties, losing bladder control etc. 

Parents can comfort the older child by cuddling him and giving him special attention when visitors come to see the new born baby. Parents should involve the older child when caring for the baby, telling him/her that it is the way they took care of him/her when he/she was a baby. Convincing the older child that he/she has a responsibility to become a role model as  the elder sister/brother to the newborn. 

Parents should keep in mind that they shouldn't overtly compare the children and not to show favoritism. Parents must be sure to attend to the needs of each child. 

According to Mike Bundrant, the author of “Discover & Overcome The Hidden cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions & Self Sabotage" and co-founder at The nILP Center,  which offers online certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and life coaching, sibling rivalry is worse than bullying. In his article, Worse than Bullying: Effects of Sibling Rivalry Can Last a Lifetime, he mentioned that sibling rivalry is often filled with psychological and physical aggression, which can traumatize children, leading to higher instances of depression, anxiety, and anger later in life.   

Unlike the other countries we Sri Lankans keep close relationships with kins.  So a significant amount of pressure on family life and social achievements arise from them.  They try to compare their children’s achievements with other sibling’s children’s achievements or their/their partners’ achievements.. Because of this, unnecessary competition is caused  between families. What may be the reason? Kins are the siblings of mother/father, husband/wife. Unresolved sibling rivalry issues that start in their childhood might have continued through adulthood, now expressing as constant competition on children’s & their achievements. 

What can parents do to reduce the negative effects of sibling rivalry?   

Amy McCready from Positive Parenting Solutions has more than 15 years of experience on resolving sibling revelry issues for many families. She suggests to  parents to lose the labels on children. Labeling draws comparison between children.  Examples : “The pretty one”, “The smart one”,  “easy going one” etc, when one child is referred to as “The smart one” what about the others? Are they sili? Of course not! But they get the feeling that they are less smart.   

Spend some “quality time” with each child alone. When children get a special time with parents on their own they don’t want to get parent’s attention by competing with their siblings. 

Not taking sides during a conflict is also a good tip to calm children down. Listen to each child’s version of what happened,children will be more likely to cooperate if they feel they are being heard. don’t place blame on any party and ask them all together to come up with a solution. 

If children start to hit each other,  teaching kids violence is not the answer, Tell them that using their words is the only way to solve a problem. Demonstrate how to compromise or how to approach in a more positive manner  during a conflict.  

If punishment is necessary make it  private. If you do it public it will shame the kid. 

Have family meetings and set rules for the members that can be agreed to follow. Hang these rules in a public space, like the kitchen, to remind everyone of their commitment to being a happy, healthy family. 

 As an adult if you are being a victim of sibling rivalry, there are some things you can do to overcome it.  

Dr. Bob Wright is an internationally recognized visionary, educator, program developer, leadership and sales executive, best-selling author and speaker. He is a co-founder of Wright and the Wright Graduate University, says to don’t take it personally. Accept the Reality of the Situation. The favorite child  still exists, whether we acknowledge it or not.  Even though your parents have a favorite child other than you, that doesn’t mean they don’t love you.  Focus on strengthening the connections by appreciating the positive qualities rather than competing for the most love.  

You can find supportive people in your life to provide the love, acceptance, and approval you may not get from your parents as much as you’d like.